Never Have I Ever

Suffered a Dream So Dreadful

No. I did not resign in two weeks or for that matter, ever work in a lala company. No, my replacement did not leave in three days. No, the person I replaced was not intimidated when s/he tried to leave. No one never cleared my dues. No one never threatened to sue or blacklist me because I never told the great founder or her/his henchmen that they were exploiting labour. No, the same vacant role was not advertised as the team expanding. No, it was not a pathetic startup into the business of growing followers for other businesses. No, they did not have less than 500 social media followers themselves despite having a decade old internet presence. No, they did not have an obnoxious name that no one got.

No, I was not assigned more work than was humanly possible per day. No, my plants did not die because I had no time to care for them. No, my unwashed dishes did not grow mouldy in the sink. No one made me feel guilty for taking my one leave per month, not that I did. No, it was not because fresh hires were not allowed leaves. No, I was not expected to travel four hours a day, neglecting my own well-being, family, friends and life to pretty-please the clients 25 x 8. No, I did not cry every night. No, I was not burnt out in a week.

No, the salary did not get credited on different dates in the middle of the month. No, if I wanted a loan, the bank official would never grow suspicious of my fickle salary slips. No, I was not not eased into the work. Nor was I not given proper training. No, the new hires were not denied access cards into/out of the building. No, the on-campus food was edible. No, I did not drink too much water so I could walk to the water station or go to the toilet to have a moment to breathe.

No, my project was not stolen from me because I am a woman. No, my project was not stolen from me because it was a big client. No, my project was not stolen. There was no professional jealousy. No, I did not have bootlickers working till 2AM, posing as my colleagues. No, they were not mean to me because I missed their cues to bootlick sans dignity.

No one was assigned too much work and then their office hours wasted in mandatory zoom calls. No, the HR was not wandering around, poking her/his nose in everyone’s work or wasting time. No, there was no constant chatter or confusion. No one stayed back late or arrived early. No one’s leaves were docked for being late. No one was over worked.

No, the graphic designers did not use AI. No, the copywriting talent did not use AI. No one rolled an eye when I said I don’t use ChatGPT. No, the senior writers, they definitely knew what they were doing. No, the senior designers did not consistently mess up the direction of light and shadow in their work. No, the team was totally competent.

No, the HR did not give copywriters suggestions on what to write or designers input on what to design. The roles were not ill-defined. No one was forced to work from office. The work from office did not entail endless zoom calls with everyone sitting a cabin apart. The great founder did not arrive late nor leave early. No, s/he did not have a weird complex of only being addressed as madam/sir. No s/he did not mock a clearly scared employee for their timid mannerisms. No, the atmosphere was not hostile.

No, the employees were not all young and unmarried. No, the employees were not frequently quitting. No, the team did not look all different every three months. No one balded from stress. No one skipped breakfast, lunch or dinner. No one faced anxiety, depression, headaches, nightmares or suicidal thoughts. No one was insane. No one preferred being murdered on the way to work than reaching the office safe.

No lie was told about the weekends being off. No one was not compensated for working weekends or travelling far into the city for a site visit. No one called, messaged and emailed about the same thing, everyone and all at once. No one was annoying, rude, inefficient, callous, or a bully. No one terrorized anyone for needing WFH. No, the work timings and company policies were not indecent. No, it was not one woman or man’s inflated ego and greed in a trenchcoat. No, obviously, this is not how things just are, here or anywhere. No, it was not a scam. No, it was not a nightmare. No.

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